1 post tagged “jewelry”

I have a mammoth ring.  It’s big, loud, and very expensive looking.  It is an aquamarine, at least 20 carats.  It was one of my grandmothers rings and it spent a lot of time sitting in a bag, unworn.  Then I came across it.  I love the thing.  It is big and garish, and contains the diamonds from her first wedding ring (the one where she ran off after graduation with her sweetheart, and the parents had it annulled) and I felt it deserved to be worn.  I’m one of those people who doesn’t stand on ceremony, if I like it I wear it, estimated worth be damned.  I wore it often, and mostly on my left ring finger, as it fit better, and wasn’t so in the way if I was writing etc.

            The most unusual thing about this ring was the reaction.  I’m a portly woman.  I do not possess slim, yet childbearing hips. My boobs are not perky, haven’t been for years.  If I don’t wax regularly my beard can rival my brothers.  Lets face it, as beautiful as I see myself, I am not conventionally hot.  In my line of work I come face to face with many different types of people, frequently salesmen.  You know the type.  Nice suits, good cars, still wearing their college class ring, permanently attached to their mobile phone’s Bluetooth attachment, suave briefcases, state of the art laptops.  These are the types that can’t bother to give the time of day to me.  I get a perfunctory glance, a flash of disdain, and then get handed a platinum American Express card while they continue to deal with some crisis/schmooze some client at top volume, via cell phone, in the lobby of the hotel.  But then I reach with my left hand to the printer, present the registration for them to sign, and they catch sight of my ring.  They look at it, look back at me, look at it again, and their demeanor changes.  The phone conversation gets put on hold. They look me in the eye, we have a pleasant exchange.  They comment on my ring.  One gentleman even took my hand and said “Damn girl, he must really love you!”  I say nothing; just inwardly roll my eyes at the idea that such costly candy could determine my worth. I get irked to find that I am judged and found wanting until there is monetary proof of my value.  The sad thing is, every day at work, I find myself doing the same wicked thing.

            I judge.  It’s reprehensible, but I do.  I put up my guard at the person who calls me ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ because I know he’s trying to soften me up for a discount.  I eye warily the woman who tells me she wants to let her kids have a break from the cold in the pool, because in two hours I know I’ll be yelling at her kids, and chastising her for sneaking her whole neighborhood in the back door.  I decide I’m not going to hire people because of the way they dress/look when they come in to fill out an application. I make up my mind on whether or not I’ll like the person based on the questions they ask me on the phone.  I get on edge when I realize the person I’m making the reservation for is Local, not passing through because I know they are going to be more trouble.

            I can argue that each one of these is experience based, and just wise thinking, but to be honest, I’m not happy with this attitude.  I feel like the nature of my job is making me cynical of humans, rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt.  The very quality I hate in people is the very trait I’m beginning to wear with distinction.  How do I stop this?  How do I love my neighbor without being gullible? I wish I knew.