prejudicial
I have a mammoth ring. It’s big, loud, and very expensive looking. It is an aquamarine, at least 20 carats. It was one of my grandmothers rings and it spent a lot of time sitting in a bag, unworn. Then I came across it. I love the thing. It is big and garish, and contains the diamonds from her first wedding ring (the one where she ran off after graduation with her sweetheart, and the parents had it annulled) and I felt it deserved to be worn. I’m one of those people who doesn’t stand on ceremony, if I like it I wear it, estimated worth be damned. I wore it often, and mostly on my left ring finger, as it fit better, and wasn’t so in the way if I was writing etc.
The most unusual thing about this ring was the reaction. I’m a portly woman. I do not possess slim, yet childbearing hips. My boobs are not perky, haven’t been for years. If I don’t wax regularly my beard can rival my brothers. Lets face it, as beautiful as I see myself, I am not conventionally hot. In my line of work I come face to face with many different types of people, frequently salesmen. You know the type. Nice suits, good cars, still wearing their college class ring, permanently attached to their mobile phone’s Bluetooth attachment, suave briefcases, state of the art laptops. These are the types that can’t bother to give the time of day to me. I get a perfunctory glance, a flash of disdain, and then get handed a platinum American Express card while they continue to deal with some crisis/schmooze some client at top volume, via cell phone, in the lobby of the hotel. But then I reach with my left hand to the printer, present the registration for them to sign, and they catch sight of my ring. They look at it, look back at me, look at it again, and their demeanor changes. The phone conversation gets put on hold. They look me in the eye, we have a pleasant exchange. They comment on my ring. One gentleman even took my hand and said “Damn girl, he must really love you!” I say nothing; just inwardly roll my eyes at the idea that such costly candy could determine my worth. I get irked to find that I am judged and found wanting until there is monetary proof of my value. The sad thing is, every day at work, I find myself doing the same wicked thing.
I judge. It’s reprehensible, but I do. I put up my guard at the person who calls me ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ because I know he’s trying to soften me up for a discount. I eye warily the woman who tells me she wants to let her kids have a break from the cold in the pool, because in two hours I know I’ll be yelling at her kids, and chastising her for sneaking her whole neighborhood in the back door. I decide I’m not going to hire people because of the way they dress/look when they come in to fill out an application. I make up my mind on whether or not I’ll like the person based on the questions they ask me on the phone. I get on edge when I realize the person I’m making the reservation for is Local, not passing through because I know they are going to be more trouble.
I can argue that each one of these is experience based, and just wise thinking, but to be honest, I’m not happy with this attitude. I feel like the nature of my job is making me cynical of humans, rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt. The very quality I hate in people is the very trait I’m beginning to wear with distinction. How do I stop this? How do I love my neighbor without being gullible? I wish I knew.
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Comments
It doesn't say we have to like one another. To me, that means I have to respect others and treat them fairly, but I'm still allowed to grind my teeth when I do so. Prejudices such as you describe are infuriating. I go through the same thing with the spot-peddlers (sales-people, i mean) where I work. They project this vibe of superficiality and artless greed. Frequently, it works out to be true. When it doesn't, it's an amazingly pleasant surprise.
I guess I'm saying I think we're all guilty of harboring prejudices--it's human nature. It's how we treat the person that matters.
I heard an illustration once that helped me understand that oft quoted "judge not" passage. The woman said, "We can be fruit inspectors, but we can't cut down the tree." Simply stated, but it really struck a chord for me. I can make some judgment calls based on the "fruit" of their lives (how they act, etc.), but I can't condemn them.
Now that I am working at a church that has a food closet, I am beginning to experience a similar struggle. We don't want to make erroneous assumptions, but we can't help but assess people. And sometimes we HAVE to make judgments for our own safety and sanity.
Great post - lots of food for thought.
2. I struggle with judging as a teacher, too. It's so tough, for example, to completely ignore the quality of penmanship when weighing the merits of a piece of writing. (Now, if I can't even read the stuff - that's a different story.)
Stereotypes and generalities come from somewhere, and sometimes with good reason. I wonder if it has to do with what we then do with that information? As in, how we respond to them, what tone we use, etc.
The flip side is that there are times when I expect people to invoke a stereotype for me, just for ease or simplicity's sake. At school, I walk in a classroom, stand at the front of the room and hand out worksheets and expect my students to respond in a particular way. As students, they've filed me into the category of "teacher." If they treat me like a random stranger in the room, I've got problems.
Don't think that really answers the question, just gave me something to think about!
Seriously, though, you are gorgeous. You have such radiant self-confidence, some of the sexiest people I've known have been jealous of your bearing. So, don't knock it, flaunt it! :)
And I, too, can be horribly prejudiced. I almost instantly dislike people who appear to have it all together as I always feel it's a lie, even when I know better. Because I DO know better. And I also can judge people who appear to *never* have it together as I feel they must not be trying hard enough, even though the past few years I myself have come dreadfully close to *being* one of those people.
OH honey, the world is full of idiots and stupid people. I fear we are all in the “stupid human tricks” segment of some Border Collie’s late night TV show where they laugh about the silly things we do. J Is it wrong of me to think of a person I’m meeting for the first time as an annoying distraction until they prove otherwise? There are exceptions. And you, Ginger Sister with your orange curls and the delightful aquamarine on your left hand are a marvelous exception!
That was an artfully-written post, Ginger sister. <bravo>
I'd leave. I'd find a job with less of that one-down interaction you are having.
I'm not a "churched" person yet I do really get "judge not lest ye be judged."
I don't mind that it's a fact that people are judging me...it's been so all my life.
We can't cannot not "assess" people and somewhat compartmentalize them.
We control how we react and to a lessor extent, our surroundings. We see stuff and have to be able to give it some lind of reference label. It's part of how we function in society.
And I agree with everyone who urged you not to feel bad. :)
I'll bet your ring is very pretty and I love the sentiment behind it!